Activating a village of support

After giving birth to my first child, I easily connected with other families and established a network of parents who were also experiencing sleepless nights and endless diaper changes. We found a pediatrician, knew which mom-and-baby classes to sign up for and which necessities to purchase. Looking back, I realize how much support was available to new families and took it for granted at the time.

My son Kian was born three years later and was diagnosed with Down syndrome. Instantly, our network vanished as we navigated the unknown with limited guidance. We initially found support in a community organization, the West Island Association for the Intellectually Handicapped, and we also began to educate others about our family’s needs. While we longed for more support from the health and social services network, it was the kindness of others that got us through the first years. Phone calls, home-cooked meals, asking direct questions, offering listening ears, and having a shoulder to cry on were gestures of support that we most needed and appreciated.

It took time to accept that “support” would have a different meaning than it did with our first child, and that we would need to create our own network within our community, friends, and family. We became active in the community, were present with Kian at events, and integrated him into the local preschool and soccer team. We advocated for Kian and educated others about his needs and challenges. We normalized the conversation, often speaking about what they may “see or observe” when meeting Kian. Other children and families were sensitized to his feisty personality; he was embraced as he warmed the hearts of those around him.

Kian put life into perspective and with that came our support. Our network grew out of our own hard work while connecting with those who gravitated towards our life.

We are grateful for our “village,” for the kindness, warmth, and acceptance that surrounds us. We have people in our lives who ask about Kian and who ask how we’re managing as parents. Many compassionate people take the time to get to know Kian, to think of him and his interests, and spend their personal time engaging in meaningful activities with him.

We have learned to accept that support can be demonstrated in different ways, by unexpected people. It is now our turn to be there for others, offering help to those cultivating their own network. Allow yourself to trust in the kindness of others and, in time, you will be able to build your village.

Sarah Lynch is a special education consultant at the English Montreal School Board and co-coordinator of the Centre of Excellence for the Physically, Intellectually, and Multi-Challenged.